Surprise
by lilylynn
Summary: I can't even fathom what is going on. We've never allowed ourselves this intimacy. He somehow snuck in, surprising me.
1. Chapter 1

Gillian's pov. Things get a little hot and heavy in Cal's office.

I would say in near future but beyond this crap that we're dealing with now. It's kind of all over the place.

I would love feedback. It means so much to me to hear what you think. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

I own nothing. Not marked complete because I may add more at some point. Perhaps an even 'heavier' chapter.

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Despite knowing practically everything about each other and putting up with it all, I find myself utterly surprised and confused when I experience something new coming from him.

He has always been the cocky, frustrating man who knows nothing about personal space. If he even catches the slightest hint of the word 'personal', he is first in line to hear about it. Or to be more precise, the infuriating man will continue to drive you insane until you give up the, need I remind you, private information. I guess I can say I'm used to it. But sometimes he just surprises me. When he is an inch from my face, demanding me with his eyes to show him a certain emotion or to start talking about it, I confess I get a little flustered. And that is exactly one of the things he is aiming for. If you try to do the same to him, the topic must automatically stray away from him. But then he can do a complete one eighty on me unexpectedly and confess a small amount of himself and the battle he fights in his head, to me.

He thinks he can hide everything but we've been around each other too long. That's what makes me notice when something is different. I may not figure it out at once, but I do recognize his moods. I hadn't really seen much of him today. He has also been acting strange the last few times we've talked. But only he can dig the truth out of others; no one was allowed to concern themselves over him. That usually includes me, with or without my consent. Then he turns around and does something else that surprises me.

I walk toward his office, just finished in mine, wanting to give him a recent report and tell him goodnight. We were supposed to start on the new case tomorrow, but as always, he was still here after hours already looking over the folder.

The lights from the hallways had been turned off about an hour earlier. Everyone was gone for the night. His door was open halfway and two glowing lights were on. He was standing there by his desk, his jacket thrown over his chair. His hair was disheveled. He looks up as I walk in, greeting me with a nod and an 'ello darling'. I smile, telling him it's late and how we are insane for still being at work, while moving to his couch and sitting comfortably in the middle of the soft cushion. He sighs heavily, agreeing with me. Stepping away from his desk, he mutters on about the case, folder still in hand. He comes to stand by the table and drops the blue folder on its' surface. I speak sarcastically about it as I hand him the report. I could tell he was in an indifferent mood. Gripping at the folder, our fingers brush as he takes it.

He sits on his coffee table, a little to the left of me. He skims through the report uncaring, unfocused. We talk a little about what needs to be done the next day to get prepared. I take a deep, quiet breath. Closing it, he tosses the report on the table too. I lean forward to grab the case folder laying behind him when he turns towards the couch and looks at me. My hand falls short of the table, so I slowly bring it back to my lap. Whatever I was about to say regarding tomorrow, dies on my lips. He appears unsure about something; like he was fighting an inner struggle. He chews on his bottom lip for a moment. Silence comes between us as he searches my face.

Carefully, he picks up my left hand in both of his. I look up at him curiously. His face is unreadable of course, and his eyes are zoned in where our bodies are connected.

Our hands.

His fingertips slowly move over each finger, every knuckle, down the small dip of my palm. There is a faint tickle I feel there, and I try not to move as he continues his journey. I want to say something. I cannot find the words. This was new. Sure, we've held hands, if only for a moment. But never has he put so much attention into it.

Two fingertips stop at my pulse on the inside of my wrist where the skin is tender. He presses gently, and then moves his thumb there instead, circling the skin. I feel an involuntary shiver run through my arm. Never have we had a situation like this. His eyes were still glued to my hand.

Suddenly, he raises my wrist to his lips, the area he had been caressing attentively, soft skin meeting for the first time. Now this was even more surprising. My fingers shake, one of them touching his forehead lightly. Pulling away, he still doesn't look at me. My heartbeats are deep, loud in my ears. We are close, but still the only part touching are our hands. Reaching across me to my other hand, he scoops it up, bringing it near him and administers the same actions. I remind myself to breathe.

Where had all of this come from? We were just sitting there in his office, talking about a case that was coming our way and out of nowhere he starts this? We had been a little off lately, but I didn't let it get to me too much. I've always had the will to not let anything bother me when it comes to the things he dishes out. But I can only do so much. He being stoic all the time, seeing this side of him was definitely a change. Was something actually affecting him? His closed off demeanor I had mentioned earlier looked to be waning, on the verge of falling.

His warm breath was on my hands. Both were encased in his. I search his face and see his eyes skim over my arms. I try to catch his gaze, my head tilting to the side, but he seems almost shy.

His actions say otherwise.

He moves his hands up my arms slowly. They stop at my elbows. My hands are somewhat awkwardly hanging in the air in front of his chest, so I let them fall easily on his knee. They don't stay there for long as he lifts an arm, kissing the inside of my right elbow, followed by the left. This brings his face closer to mine. I open my mouth for a split second but realize I still haven't come up with anything to say. He has shocked me into silence.

Am I supposed to stop this? Ask him what's wrong? I can't even speak, let alone, move. I haven't made a turn of protest, so he takes it as encouragement. I trust him; if I didn't, I probably would have managed to say something by now. A keen sense of curiosity was getting the best of me. Or maybe because it was late and I just wasn't thinking clearly.

His knees shift and suddenly press against the outside of both of mine. I nearly jump, my body surprised again at the new contact. Running his hands clear back down to my very fingertips, he finally glances up. A feeling rushes over me, courses hot through my veins. The look he gives me only lasts a few seconds and I realize he is not quite done with these new actions.

He reaches behind him, grabbing on to the table and scoots it and himself closer. We are at eye level with one another. His knees slide further up my thighs as his eyes flit down to my neck and shoulders. He leans forward but seems to pause, looking into my eyes, as if asking for permission; asking for forgiveness. I feel overwhelmed. An understanding passes through us as we stare at each other. He reads my look and I see a glimmer of thankfulness wash over him. I convey to him my trust and he continues forward. He rests an open mouthed kiss to my collarbone, right above my heart. I lay my hands gently on his thighs, splaying my fingers across the fabric of his pants. He brings both hands to cup the curve of my shoulders, squeezing slightly. My eyes focus in and out on the pictures of different human facial expressions he has on his wall.

Heat was slowly engulfing both of us. As he makes his way to the other side, leaving small wet kisses in his wake, I lift my head, tilting it to the side. My mouth was slightly open; deep, heavy breaths coming out. His soft lips mark one last spot on my collarbone and he pulls away again.

My mind was, well, I have no clue where it went. I blink a few times, trying to come to terms with what was going on. As he shifts his weight, a hand gently caressing my arm, I sigh.

He draws me nearer by applying some pressure on my arms. I slide to the end of the couch, my legs tight together in between his. Never have I felt such a rush of feelings as his eyes roam over me. Leaning close to the side of my neck, his hot breath not helping the already humid air around us, he licks his lips and slowly brushes them along my skin. On their own accord, my fingertips tighten on his legs. He goes higher, right under my ear. I feel myself smile, the skin sensitive and ticklish. Raising a hand to the other side of my face, he cups my jaw, fingers in my hair. I gasp quietly when I feel his tongue glide sweetly over a small part of my skin, followed by his lips.

I lift a shaky hand to his chest. He moves to the other side of my neck, both hands making their way to my back, setting goose bumps on the path. I touch the top of his shoulder, fingers pushing down into his skin through his shirt. He's presses his lips lovingly on my pulse.

I see his head back away from me again. I straighten as I watch his eyes glow in the low lights. His chest rises and falls smoothly. I can't even fathom what is going on. We've never allowed ourselves this intimacy. My line has always been there. The line he never liked or obeyed and on most days I catch myself not following it either. He somehow snuck in, surprising me. Judging by the look on his face, I think he's surprised himself.

I wet my lips. He quickly looks down at them. Bringing a hand away from my back, he brushes his thumb on the corner of my bottom lip. If I had any protest in me, it would have been gone by now. Summoning the small strength I did have, I glide my hand the rest of the way up his leg. My fingers hold on to his waist. I can feel the muscles beneath his shirt twitch. Breaking the heated silence, he thickly whispers my name. I see him swallow and feel the tingling sensation as both of his hands run a quivering journey over my neck and arms.

My skin felt hot, radiating into the air.

Amazed at how we got to this point, I could only depend on his eyes to lead me to an answer.

I breathe, looking him straight in the eye. I run my other hand back down his chest, resting my palm over his heart; the rapid beating a comfort. He keeps eye contact with me as an unknown force pulls us towards each other. My stomach flips as I see his eyes change, showing emotions I have very rarely seen. Taking me unaware, I realize he has me surprised yet again.

Do I let this go on?

He drags his eyes away from mine as he gets close, landing on my flushed cheeks. He lingers there, enticing every nerve in my body. Arms wrap around my back, as my cheek meets his open lips. Wonderfully and agonizingly slow, he follows down the curve of my jaw line, moving to the other side of my face. A small, strained noise comes from the back of my throat without warning. My arms circle his shoulders tenderly; my head swimming in wonder. Coherent thought was gradually slipping away and I know we are still in the office. At least we were the only ones crazy enough to still be here at this hour.

I don't quite know what to do.

I hear and feel his breath as it dances along my face. He grips the back of my dress lightly, trying to ease himself closer to me. I can tell he is physically shaking, but only a little.

He kisses the corner of my mouth and leans back a pinch, looking into my wide eyes.

Attempting to say something, he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. There in his eyes, I read what he wants. It's so enticing, knowing that he doesn't let the guard down like this. Knowing he is letting me see him unfold. I know my face is open; I just want to embrace him, let him know everything is alright. He can tell I'm still somewhat curiously surprised. He looks at my lips then back to my eyes. We keep them connected till the void is filled, then darkness lays before me as my eyes flutter closed, right after his. An urge of desire floods through us as the space between our mouths disappears.

His soft, open mouth strokes against mine. My stomach is on fire and my chest thunders with the beat of my heart. This is definitely not what I thought was on the agenda when I walked into his office tonight. Now that it's happening, I realize this has been a long time coming.

That damn line…

He doesn't even try to hide the tide of emotion he feels as he unabashedly lets out a deep moan. At the sound, he has me gripping at his shoulders, a small moan escaping me too.

Is this real life?

His kisses are passionate but kept at a slow pace; he didn't want to rush this. I match him, our lips embracing in the cherished dance we never thought we'd share. We've come close before but something always either held us back or got in the way. After all, we do have a complicated relationship.

He ascends over me, pulling me up to stand with him, never breaking the kiss. My legs aren't quite steady. He secures them and me, our bodies finally together. We breathe as one; the swell of my breasts collides into his chest pleasantly. I loosen my clasp of his shoulders, running a hand up to his neck. My fingers wisp behind his ear and in his hair. Firm arms hold me at the waist.

Brushing his lips persistently over mine one last time, he breaks away, but only just. Staying encased in his arms, I rest my forehead against his. I keep my eyes shut. His breath washes over me like a summer rain, warm and calming, giving me the chance to ease my heart rate back down.

I feel him raise his head. When I open my eyes, he is staring at me. Dark green emblazoned with stunning surprise. His lips are a little swollen, just like I'm sure mine are. He's trying, whole heartedly, to read me.

In his nature, I know.

This time though, flustered or hiding away from him is not the case. Happy at what he sees, a small grin appears.

And out of no where, I laugh.

I can't help it.

The soft, elated laugh pours out of me, filling the quiet space of his office. I feel radiant and I know the smile I give him shows that. My smile is infectious; his growing more and more as the precious seconds go by. Unleashing my waist, he brings his arms in-between mine and cups both sides of my face gently. We simply stare at each other. Drinking in the familiarity of one another as we sway slightly where we're standing.

Finding my voice, I whisper, "Well this was a surprise."

He agrees with a nod, his smile playful.

"I've always been damn good at surprises."

You do remember me mentioning cocky, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your comments and support. You all are so wonderful.

If any of this feels rambled, I apologize. I made it to be after the events of Canary Song so my mind is still that way too.

Things get hotter. Strong T, perhaps. I'm still not quite there, going full M, but I'm getting warmer. ;) Practice, right?

Please enjoy! Don't be afraid to drop me a line! No really, please comment!

Don't own ltm.

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The office was buzzing with silence. No loud commotion in the hall, no phones ringing continuously; just us.

Just us.

Our shadows play along the floor. Standing together, away from the couch, our embrace never lessens. Despite the urge to slap him for his self centered remark, I could do nothing but smirk and squeeze his arm. My heart, mind and stomach would allow me to do no other thing.

All I could hear was Cal's faint breathing and my excited heart, beating within my chest. Taking a moment, I silently examine our position. Not just physically. I'm well aware of our bodies. Every fiber of my being was awake with the knowledge of our connection. But I think of what plays into this and what brought us here. I know I can't over analyze these exquisite events, no matter how big they are. Things had finally gone back to semi normal, our kind of normal. He had thanked me. I was tipsy at the time but I heard him. I could see his face in the haze of the lights on the balcony. I knew he was serious; knew he cared about my feelings. There was so much going on in such a small amount of space and time; I knew whatever happened would help us escape the dark we had inhabited.

That was just a month ago. I had forgiven him. Always; I think I would always forgive him. It's easy to hate him, but it's too hard not to love him. There is no way around it. That's what makes him so damn frustrating. I want him to be not quite off the hook yet, so he can feel a bit of the pain I felt in the past. Although, I'm not one to hold grudges. I can't say he won't pull another stupid stunt, because I know he will, but I realize he's not perfect. I'm not perfect. But he invariably comes back to me in the end. Our imperfections play well off each other apparently. Cal has proven that he is truly sorry. I could clearly see it in his face, in those piercing eyes. Some things about him I don't understand; maybe I should just stop trying to comprehend his actions. He usually has a reason for everything; reasons he works out in his mind only. Never been one to share, Cal bottles his emotions and ways up tight, for fear of someone getting too close to him. Tonight, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. He has let me in. Opened the door first, like the gentleman he, believe it or not, can be, and led me into his mind and embrace. And what a beautiful, breath-taking embrace this was. I still feel a quiver deep within me from his amazing attentions earlier. Well, whose to say those attentions have to stop now?

I grin sweetly at my thoughts, my eyes crinkling. Cal blinks at me, cocking his head to the side. His hands had fallen from my face and were now lightly holding my sides, fingertips caressing my ribs. I'm faintly ticklish there but I try not to move. Staring into those sparkling eyes, I see a man looking at me as if I was his answer to every question he ever asked. Seeing all the truth in mine, he looks as if he has been reborn. As I focus, I see what I felt in his kisses. It's such a change compared to his walled up expressions. Hopefully I can see this side more often; I don't want to have to work for it.

What we have going on is so loaded. There is just so much that involves us; encompasses us. But all of that doesn't frighten me anymore; it doesn't make me want to redraw the line. Instead, chills run up my spine. Nerve endings spark and goose bumps form. I feel my stomach clench. Every heart beat is that much more precious. I want to laugh again. I want to continue smiling forever.

I bite my bottom lip and hear his intake of breath. Moving my hands, I rest them at the base of his neck. As his breath flows out, my name goes with it, blending into the warm air.

"Gillian…"

His endlessly adorable accent spreads joy everywhere and I smile evermore.

He's watching me.

He's always watching me.

The knowledge of that makes this even more intimate than it already is.

I still catch a small amount of wariness, though. He has told me before about never wanting to see me hurt. My heart aches. My head swims.

Overcome with true, raw emotion, I step into whatever little space was left when we had pulled apart. Our bodies merge; our clothes creating a soft sort of friction. My face flushes and I'm sure my chest has a bit of color too.

He is a comfort; a sort of home I've always thrived for. Longing to hold him like this, I experience a quake in my body.

I almost wish he would talk to me and tell me what he is thinking so I don't have to read everything. What harbors his mind?

I want to let him know that I'm through being cautious. The words 'why not' spring into my head on many occasions and I'm ready to live by them. I know with our jobs come risks but if we just try, we can handle them. I can take what he throws at me; I'm strong enough. Working with him has made me that way. Dealing with his frustrating qualities on an everyday basis tends to shape you. And yet it has made me love him all the more. I can't explain it. Cal is truly incredible, despite the overhaul of cockiness.

There is no denying our amazing partnership. I won't deny what he's done to me tonight either. His face and not to mention what's pressing into my lower stomach tells me what I've done to him too.

Unwound and free of all worry, I run my fingernails down to his collarbone. I can feel the unsteady beat of his heart. The thump is in tune with my pulse. His chest tightens; his hands clasp my waist fervently, eyes seeking mine. He reads my face, taking it all in; he's trying so hard to make sure he's doing the right thing. I never break eye contact.

My voice is a mere, breathless whisper. I didn't even know I was out of breath.

"Cal, surprise me again."

I think I may have taken _him_ by surprise, but I can never tell. In seconds his face changes and a quick, "Bloody hell," is muttered.

Finally rid of the restraints, understanding and desire take over. I know I will never again see uncertainty in those depths, nor will I feel it. In a blink, Cal's arms are completely around me and his mouth is on mine. A muffled moan escapes me. He traps my head in his left hand, cupping my jaw in a way that has my arms trembling. I clutch his shoulders as his lips cover mine. His moan vibrates me to the core, leaving me arching my back, pressing ever further into him.

With lips ardent and desperate, intense heat eagerly flowed through us. The scruff on his face left a pleasurable feeling on my skin as his hot, open mouth collides into mine. One blazing kiss after another, Cal took a step forward, guiding me around the couch and pushing me with ease into the halfway open door. The loud thud of it closing with the weight of us did nothing to my ears. Our mouths still, very keenly, locked.

He slowed for a moment, wanting to be gentle, I presumed. I actually thought he was going to pull away; but I understood what he didn't want to do and that was to scare me off or make me regret this; giving me an out, just in case.

My name manages to depart from his lips again, in between a soft kiss, his husky voice almost a question. I keep my eyes closed. Summoning strength in my arms, I reach for the back of his head.

Weaving my fingers in the short strands, I breathe out, "Yes."

I start the kiss this time, coming off of the door to meet him; only to be pushed back into it. His breath became mine. We were taking each other in, reveling in the delightful passion that crashed over us. Another deep moan is heard, perhaps from both of us. Cal's lovely hands work their way over the fabric of my dress. Little tugs here and there, dragging pieces out of place, rumpling the smooth lines. Every move gives me elation. I'm amazed and he's captivated.

Feeling bold, he cups my ass, lifting me an inch or so off the ground, my back sliding up the door. A small squeal of laughter disappears into his mouth as I'm barely able to keep my heels from falling off. I can feel him grin, his tongue swiping at my bottom lip. Letting me down again, Cal completely invades my space and mouth.

Not that I'm really complaining.

Flat against the door, my mind focused only on us, I kiss him back with the same desire. We crave each other. I think we always have.

I know his hair must be mussed by my fingers. I drag my nails down his neck, eliciting a muffled noise from him. His right hand ventures down my side to my thigh. The edge of the dress is just above my knees. Cal didn't quite get that far. He grabs the outside of my thigh, raising my leg to his waist. This gives our lower halves a much closer contact. I gasp into his mouth and realize I need to breathe. Cal does too; pulling away, he breathes heavily into my neck, placing wet kisses along the skin there. I attempt to catch my breath. He continues his journey down my leg till he gets to the end of the black dress. The touch of his warm hand on my already heated skin sends strange but lovely chills jolting throughout my body. Going under the bottom of the dress, he starts moving back up, slowly, bringing it along with his hand. I take heavy breaths as he caresses my skin.

Just an hour ago I was walking into his office, ready to tell him goodnight and head home. Now I'm up against his door, being deliciously enraptured by him.

Who would have thought?

He begins to run circles around the middle of my thigh with his thumb. I tighten my hold, securing my leg around his behind. His erection strains against his pants and I feel my dress resisting it too. Heat was everywhere, smoldering us where we stood. My eyes flutter open just as he attacks my mouth again. He bites my bottom lip sweetly. I return the favor, sighing into his mouth. Cal's tongue ventures out again, exploring my mouth in the most fascinating way. A hand that was in my hair shook as it moved down to my chest, skimming along over one of my breasts, squeezing it. Having a heightened sense of touch, this sends my blood spiraling all around and a strangled noise forces its way out of my throat. Apparently this does something to Cal because he seems to uncontrollably thrust his hips into mine.

He meant to do it actually. He does it again to prove just that.

My nails dig into the skin at the back of his neck, wanting him to do it again. A breathless sigh is released.

He suddenly groans, lifting his lips from mine regrettably. His breath rustles my hair as he drags himself away from me. My leg falls back down, shakily next to the other. I open my eyes, not knowing what happened. Blinking, I see him standing there, chest heaving, hands on my shoulders. With the distance, my hands slide down his chest. Emblazoned with desire, fully dilated, his eyes are drilling into mine.

I don't know what to say.

"What…what is it? Cal?"

Then I realize why. We couldn't do this now. He wants to treat me better. My heart is in my throat; I'm so impressed by him.

Taking a deep breath that seemed to stick in his lungs, he spoke with trouble.

"I, I'm sorry love. Nothing, s'nothing; I just, believe it or not, want to take this a lil' slow. And if we continue…yeah…I won't be able to stop. I've got to…somehow…control myself when it comes to you, at least for a bit. I still can't even comprehend this. This, you, what I've wanted for so long. I need to do this right, ya' know. You are so important to me."

He can see in my eyes that I understand. I wholly understand what he means. We are on the same page. Why he wants to be careful. How precious we are to each other. Tears form in my eyes, mentally adding another reason to why I love him.

He whispers thickly, "You've got to know how long I've wanted to do all of this," and he proceeds to kiss my lips, "And this," my neck, "And this," my sternum.

Cracking a joke, he says, raising his head a little to meet my moist eyes again, "I mean I didn't sit here, planning and plotting away, waiting for you to show up tonight so I could have my wicked way with you…as much as I bloody well want to." I laugh at that, knowing he never fails to amuse. He smiles at me, grateful that there is no tension. "But I've thought a lot about you and me and us together. I need to make everything right between us first, so I can do just that. So I can see that glorious look of beautiful surprise in your eyes again. Hell, I'll work to make that happen everyday." He nods his head towards me, eyes begging for solace. I nod back, the only move I'm capable of making.

His voice strengthens but he still speaks slowly as he continues, "Thank you…for having faith in me all these years; for sticking by me when I didn't deserve the company; even sticking it to me when I do deserve the news flash. Trusting me when I can't even trust myself; you are so true, blindingly true. So bloody gorgeous, you are." He pauses, rolling his eyes down the length of my body and up again. Of course I don't take any offence; I'm used to it. Another thing I admit I thrive on. "I'm so damn lucky to have you in my life and I'm sorry I don't tell you that more often."

I swallow, a tear falling down my face. My heart still beating steadfastly, I am barely able to speak.

"Oh, Cal…"

Pushing myself off the door, I wrap one arm around his neck, the other around his middle. Both arms automatically secure me in a loving embrace as he tucks his face into my neck.

We stand there forever. I breathe in his scent, calming me to the core. He rubs my back as I try to find the words to speak. Eventually they come to me.

"Can I just say that I'm glad I decided to stop by here tonight instead of heading straight home?"

I feel the rumble in his chest first, and then his laughter fills the room as well as my heart.

Leaning back, we both laugh, our eyes tracing one another's.

"You can darlin'. I'll be that much more gratified every time you walk through my door. Course, once I would've found out you left, I'd have chased you down to the parking lot an' created the same scene. Now that I think about that, we just might have to try that sometime, eh love? Oh the possibilities..."

I curve my head to the side, smiling.

"I look forward to the next time I walk in here. I won't ever know what to expect. You always keep me guessing." I giggle when he winks at me. His smile is such a wonderful sight. He knows we have time. I know we have time. We can make this work and we will.

I quiet down, staring at him, wondering what I'd do without him.

"Thank you Cal." My voice is soft but he hears me. He reads me. He does everything in his power just to feel me.

And I can't complain anymore.


End file.
